I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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