Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
