at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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