They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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