drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ttyl tear gas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
