if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
