we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
