who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
