I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
