just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I CAN MOONWALK!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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