The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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