So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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