Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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