Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
