lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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