..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
