After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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