we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
