he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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