I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
