Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
