I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
