now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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