weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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