woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
