Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
