Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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