If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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