How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
no, he came in my armpit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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