bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
