So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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