I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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