community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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