respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
