so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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