david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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