I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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