The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
