she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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