turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
