So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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