so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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