Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
