just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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