It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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