You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
