Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
