But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my vag is so smooth its legendary
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
