I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
