She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
