if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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