there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
