Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize