nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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