DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
