the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
