he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
