the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
