It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
