wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
