Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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