that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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