To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
