My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
