addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
