Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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