I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
