watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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